CLASSIFIED | POLITICS | TERRORISM | OPINION | VIEWS





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Autobiography of a Jailbird
by SB from Queens Hostel Welikada.

Extracted by Walter Rajaratne in Sydney

I was born to an ordinary family in a village surrounded by the central hills of Sri Lanka. As a child, a timid and diminutive boy among my friends, I was a discarded case. This strengthened my feelings to succeed in life, beating my peers at that in whichever way, thus education became my forte.

The best my parents with their meagre wealth afford to was the Poramadala village school. However, my performance at the school was a relatively better one that paved the way for entry to university at young age. I also had a few things to talk about my achievements in athletics which pushed me to the administration of sports in later years.

It was at the university that I displayed my real talents, interestingly, towards shoddy politics than the structured system of scholastic achievements, a person’s success in civilized way of life. I opted to this option since I had been an admirer of communism with no whatsoever knowledge of its theory or a genuine binding to its principles, instead glibly mouthing of slogans at demonstrations in election campaigns.

From humble beginning at the arts stream, with no specific results in the finals, I had no whatsoever chance to secure a white collar management level job. So my early unemployed years with Marga, which was a NGO joint, ripping foreign funds by a few Johnnies for their survival as think tanks, I was marking time for a breakthrough. However, the title, Research officer was not a bad one in your CV, though it’s a long story what research I was involved in at Marga. Since I was an ardent follower of Marxism, with little effort I managed to enter mainstream politics. The skills I had developed as a gutter-raker in speech therapy, pushed me to the centre stage in left wing politics within a short span of time. A firebrand big mouth I became, though I knew nothing of the crux of socialism and the masses of the country took me for a defender of the downtrodden. From there, I never looked back. I followed the success path of many such, with humble beginning, who are at the summit today.

my achievements in Public Life from 1989.

*Entered Parliament as a noisy legislator.

*Earned cheap popularity following Sucharitha footsteps.

*Became minister for sports rejuvenating women athletes.

*Built castles in backward Haguranketha that shows the might of Samurdhi.

* Nearly beaten Mahaveli Gamini in business investments in Australia.

*Taught the first SL woman Olympian Sussie, how to develop JAVAYA, through my relentless encouragement but not with her consent. CBK, Mangala and the band mutely endorsed my efforts in this endeavour, though Ranil and his rabble rousers tarnished my image. Nonetheless, later Ranil extended an apology for his misdemeanour, when I brought across a shipload of ragtag band of legislators to his party that shot him to the PM cradle.

From the research & development unit of my cosy sports ministry laboratory invented the hidden power of revitalized sex lust that could convert any frail woman to a genuine sprinter was a landmark discovery in the annals of sports in Sri Lanka. If not for the short sighted above few, we would have been the proud nation of the greatest woman Olympian that the world has ever seen. Her defection from my tutelage sadly denied her the undisputed title, “Queen of Sprinting” in the world.

*I was an ardent admirer of Premadasa the Sucharitha fame. He was a great inspiration for my tactics in taming the opposition, no matter which ruling party I was in. The underworld gave me the unstinted support and they always were an obedient lot, crossing lines with me. I ably supported Thilanga, Boss of the games, taming the aristocratic Mahawalatenne Ratwatte man in the battle for cricket. Didn’t I promote many deals in TV that brought healthy financial gains?

Janasaviya, the great program of my Guru was where I did wonders in poverty alleviation. When CBK was hatching a scandalous plot to limit IMF funds with a view to alleviate only the poverty of hers and her kith and kin, it was I who abolished her dirty plot. Amidst her resentment, I not only took it under my belt as a fully focused Samurdhi, but also alleviated the poverty of seven future generations of my clan, with several hundred millions vanishing from books with no trace.

Naturally, I erred in developing Golf Courts and muddled in Libor in financial terms. But all those lapses were withdrawn, when GL the Professori admitted me to his inner temple as his deputy when I changed my attire from pavement T shirt to full suit with a tie.

When I changed my colour from red to blue to ever Green, all of them embraced me as the great messiah of God sent. I toppled regimes and created new ones. So, no wonder, the noise of crackers thundered whole Sri Lanka when my sentence was announced by the CJ from Hultsdorf, reminiscing the demise of my great Guru Sucharitha.

Let me tell those who lit those crackers that, the new lease of life given to me at Welikada comprises no better terms than I ever expected. Most of the inmates are my buddies. Mercenaries, Predators, Mafia bosses and Barons (drugs) were all my close associates when I was at the helm of power. True to the holy life I led, I declined to eat beef on my first meal served at the cell, as a man of Ahimsa upbringing.

So, let me tell you that, the injustice meted out on me by the perpetrators of justice will pay a terrible price in the not too distant future. My friends and followers in the form of Ranil, Ravi and the clan will not leave a single stone unturned to see that I will earn my freedom. The rumble has already begun with our colleague, the envoy of Surya Theivam making merry hell in the Diyawanna citadel sending flying saucers to the heavenly Mace.

I have quite a few unfinished businesses to complete in my life. It’s my only wish that I wouldn’t burden my two innocent kids with such daunting tasks. Mark my word; it’s only a matter of time


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