The Swiss Embassy affair has shown how easy it is for people to get entry to live in a Western country and even have these Western countries arrange travel, air ambulance, hotel stay, a job, a house and put you over their own citizens by giving numerous welfare benefits too.

But there is a process to follow.

Create a fake story – the more bizarre the better

Attempted abductions are the best.

Claim to be abducted in a white van will give added points

Have a note written or claim threat implicating the Rajapakse’s will be bonus points

Get a phone call threat and record – it may be risky but worth it if it can reach the embassy on time

If you are lucky you can claim asylum inside the embassy compound but that looks a bit tricky now as the present Swiss affair has compounded chances of that given the embarrassments the Swiss embassy is now suffering.

A few emails claiming you are threatened; your life is in danger will go a long way too even if it is all lies – just allow your imagination to get the better of you.

Have a few start some civil society group or media outlet and start attacking Rajapakse’s or the new govt and then create a scenario to have a complaint lodged against your actions and thereafter do a recording claiming harassment and threats to ‘free media’ and you are sure to get asylum. No need to say anything about your actions contributing to the reactions – don’t worry the west doesn’t take that into account at all

Claim you are a ‘journalist’ or belong to some form of unheard of ‘media’ and that is the best way to have your name featured on foreign reports and have those thrown at the new govt at international forums – Congratulations – you have become a celebrity overnight. You may even consider writing a book of your ‘ordeal’ and make that a bookseller. They’ll be plenty of people to write a favourable review. These are also on their payroll! So, you’ve joined the gang

Make sure you can speak the Queen’s tongue – generate an accent that is foreign to Sri Lanka because that will certainly win bonus points and may help get you a spot as head of a civil society group with plenty of funding too.

Once that NGO is set up you can do plenty of tamashas with the funds sent by western governments, book 5 star hotels for conferences or seminars, invite only your closest friends who will be presented as the ‘public’ and have them make comments and record this as the ‘voice of the people’ take your friends out serve them wine and champagne and then foot the bill to the NGO account as entertaining ‘witnesses’ and ‘looking after’ them to get their ‘witness accounts’. Don’t worry the western governments will ensure pressure is exerted diplomatically to ensure you continue to get up to mischief on behalf of them. The West has set a superb mechanism to arm twist weak states!

Your ‘credibility’ among the funding parties can only be built up by drafting what they want – and that is a piece of cake – just write as much as you can against the Rajapakse’s and you automatically become the most ‘credible’ source in the world!

Follow the above and you are well set to sit in a country of your choice in the West, enjoy handsome handouts and all you need to do is write against the country you were born in – find fault with the majority, demonize them, ridicule them, use your reports to showcase the majority is the reason for every fault in Sri Lanka, poke fun at the civilizational heritage, demean their history and their freedom fighters, try to use the funding to erase their cultural pageants and rituals by covering yourself with the in vogue nomenclatures, completely dominate opinion and force people to mentally accept your version of this – ‘you report, you decide for all’ and the more you succeed in this endeavor you will be receiver of international awards for sure.

Congratulations & Good luck

You have sold your nation to the devil, you are now the devil’s angel – enjoy the dividends without a conscience.