NOVEL TSUNAMI FUND THAT YOU CAN TRUST - GOOD AS GOLD - DIG DEEPER PLEASE.
By: Walter Rajaratne in Sydney
Seeing is not only believing but leading to invention too. Thats what happened to me in the aftershocks of fund raising gimmicks across Australia during the last couple of weeks. Fireworks/Cricket/Cabaret/Belly Dancing and what not.
Stage one was, floating an NGO which I did in style with the Companies Registrar. Next came the Mission statement followed by the Vision statement. Rev.Cast is the sole proprietor of Vision of World where all the collections from Down Under are channelled through. So I went to meet him, armed with my latest NGO Portfolio, of course in full suit.
No sooner he saw my face; he said Hey, Abos do not qualify for Tsunami Funds.
Heavenly Father, Im not Aborigine.
Alright then Indian? Still not qualified because you are an infidel, perhaps an untouchable from Maharashtra.
No No My heavenly Father I am a born Buddhist and Singhalese too. I promise to add new vigour into this conversion business a new ethical flavour so that no friction, if you consider my request to represent SL. Mother Theresa will be in the shade. I can add the, born again, twosome Dayan and Thisaranee to my NGO too, with a 10% block to their credit.
I will see to that, this time round, Dutu Gemunu, Anagarika Dharmapala, Migettuwatte Gunanada, Kudhapola, Kappetipola et al shall not remain in the Sri Lankan Archives. Look at the vocabulary I have chosen to invite the Yankee GIs from the aircraft carrier. Neo-Colonialism, White, Western, Christian, NGO-loving. Happy? All our backpains shall be cured with the Amro GI treatment.
Remember pre 26/12, we Aussies were the eyesore of Sri Lankans. Now look, the sea change in post Tsunami camaraderie between Warney and Murali. Johnny Howord was running round the pitch, exhilarated, winking at Murali. Didnt you notice Murali sending Doosra at will bending to 30 degree. All Mighty came to our rescue at the nick of time, disguised in a Tsunami. This time no Cloak and Dagger. A crusade with the bat and the dollar.
Rev. Cost blasted my ear drums in a ferocios fury worst than a Tsunami. O God, this is a worst case scenario. Cmon, give me a break. You rascal, a heathen!! Get Lost.
Thats all I can remember. The jolt of the bouncers battering boot on my backside, tremors reading 10 at Richter Scale still running through my spine. I felt as if I was laid to rest.
Where to now? Mango friends never turn you down. So I rang Yapa Mudiya in Kiwi Auckland. A man, all out for a worthy course, unceremoniously thrown out of USLA, a staunch paedophile promoter he is, gleefully agreed to my very reasonable terms on a 10% cut. He also gave me a couple of hints where funds already collected lying with no takers yet. AbeyShakthi, Otahu Pansala, USLA etc. He also added that we must put this Wellingtonians, who donated a staggerring $150 grand to that ascetic of Sarvodaya, in their place.
So look at my "Tsunami Appeal."
Friends, Sri Lankans, Countrymen. Think of the untold suffering of our people at this crucial moment of Sinhala history. Dont be stingy. Dig Deeper. Pull your torn pockets out. Contribute generously for your loved ones back home.
Sakuntala/Dushmanth Balu-Patabendi Inc. has guaranteed a well laundered $4 million to my NGO. Our great General Jan in Canberra has come forward to build luxury condominium units at 1000 quid each, for all Tsunami refugees. The offer expires in the next millennium. Be a part of this mega event / once in two millennia only. Remember the last one at Kelaniya kingdom era and the saga of the cauldron of boiling oil. Your place - in the cauldron - is confirmed in this meritorious act with the Blessings of Satan. Well wishers CBK-Ranil-Prabha Inc.
For credit card contributions NGO A/c. 00000101 - Walter Rajaratne
00000102 - Yapa Mudiya
Bank Cheques not accepted due to excessive transparency. Hard Currency
through my Private bag at the doorstep. Certificates of Silver, Gold
and Platinum according to the amount donated. Lest We Forget, salute
your tomb, whenever I fly over in my chopper. Refer to our website.
http//boilingcauldran.tusanami.com and click right for confirmation
of receipt. RIP.
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