CLASSIFIED | POLITICS | TERRORISM | OPINION | VIEWS

Bruce Fein in Toronto to collect money

Asoka Weerasinghe Gloucester . Ontario . Canada.

June 20, 2008

Mr. Bruce Fein
Attorney for Tamil Separatists
Bruce Fein and Associates
US.

Dear Bruce Fein:

I just read a news item bylined by Mike Adler, that *“U.S. lawyer (Bruce Fein) lands in Toronto on Sri Lankan Mission seeks action against Sri Lankan Government officials.”*

In the depth of the news item, I also read that, “*But Fein is asking Canadians for money*…” Umm! I thought, helping others is never more rewarding than when it’s for your self interest to line your pocket with nuggets of gold. Smart guy, I thought.

Mike Adler was kind to you by not reporting what you may have said or wanted to say that “I am a professional liar…and I am a lawyer, and I am here to scrounge every penny out of you Tamil fools, as if you look close at me you may find that I am as devious as an adulterer, and my eyes animate my greed for the green 20-dollar Canadian bills spilling out of my eyes.”

I knew it Bruce, as you couldn’t fool me. If money is the route for all evil, then you personify that evil or else you would have helped your foolish Tamil clients with a pro-bono trip to the courts. Of course, not, as you have found a cash cow and have the audacity to come over to my territory to milk us too. Don’t be so sure of yourself, Bruce.

Last night, my phone rang. The voice at the other end of the wire had a very thick Jaffna Tamil accent.

“Mister Vee-ra-singe, I am Swamipillai Yoganathan from Scarborough”, the excited voice said.

“I calling to cullect munnie for Brooce Feein”, he said.

“Who the hell is Brooce Feein?” I asked.

“He is good lawyer, going to soo for us Tamils President Rajapuksay’s two brothers and Army Chief Sarath Ponseka, who our Tamil Tiger woman suicide bombber mis killing him”, the voice said.

“Why can’t this lawyer do you a favour and sue them free of charge”, I asked.

“No…Mister Vee-ra-singe, he is good lawyer, and he vunt’s munnie…munnie….munnnie or else he woon’t soo. No tickey…no washy” he said at the Radisson Hotel.

“That is too bad”, I said. “If he wants my money, ask him to come to Ottawa next Sunday and stand at the Byward Market, at the corner of York and Murray Streets with a hat in his hand with a placard saying, “I am lawyer Bruce Fein. I am collecting money to help the Canadian-Tamils to sue three Sri Lankan Government officials.” I said.

“I may come by and drop a penny into his hat, Yoganathan”, I promised him.

He was obviously thrilled with my support and thanked me profusely saying ‘Thank U…Thank U, Mister Vee-ra-singe” and told me that he would pass this message on to you Bruce.

Once I know that you will be pan-handling at Ottawa’s Byward Market, I will come by and drop a penny into your hat. For you to recognize me I will be the bearded man in a red coat and a green carnation pinned onto my lapel. I hope that penny will take you a long way and I really wish you luck with this rather strange pie-in-the-sky mission.

Now I understand why someone told me that “A liar is a lawyer with a roving commission”. Could this be Bruce Fein, I wonder!

Sincerely
Asoka Weerasinghe

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